It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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