I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
