Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
