last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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