told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
