help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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