She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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