i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
