Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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