I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
