you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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