Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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