so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
