My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
