Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
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