Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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