That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
