ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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