This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
