If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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