I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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