i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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