every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
