Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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