She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
