After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
being pregnant is like rehab
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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