Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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