what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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