totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
