you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
