you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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