Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
