My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Hippo gnu deer
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
