Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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