What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize