around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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