Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
