dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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