My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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