Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
