there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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