am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
