Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
