He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
