Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
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he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
The Olympian is in my bed
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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