I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize