Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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