Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
