i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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