So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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