My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
