Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize