I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
