Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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