I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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