Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
