? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
