Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
