Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
