I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
