i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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