It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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